~31 Day Blogging Challenge~ DAY 4

~31 Day Blogging Challenge~ DAY 4

What am I afraid of?

Gosh,..the list for this could be rather extensive…lol. I am afraid of many things. I am petrified of spiders,..lol. The eight legged creatures that creep and crawl and

sometimes jump,… EWWW,..they make my skin crawl.

The darkness and what could be around the corner is another fear of mine. Too much television I think LOL!

I would have to say though that my worst fear, the one thing that I am afraid of the most is death. Not just my death but the death of those I love. The loss of a

person that I love is the worst experience and it seems the older you get the more people die. Maybe it is just because as you grow you notice it more or maybe

just because the people you grow up with grow up too…and then die.

My mother died at age 40, I was 22. The loss of my mother at that point in my life was more devastating than if she had been 70 when she passed, the pain would

have still been there but I would have understood and expected it more,…I think. It seems that once my mother passed,..every year after that someone in my family

would die, my gram (mom’s mom) died after my mom, then my baby sister, at the age of 25 ;-(,..and then more grandparents and family and friends. In 2007 I

almost died!

The accident that almost took my life instilled a fear in me about death that I can not seem to overcome. I am 35 now, and I lay in bed at night wondering if I will

wake up in the morning. I am afraid that I will die when I am 40, just because my mom did, and it was unexpected.

I know that I should be more excited about life and live everyday to the fullest, especially with this fear that runs so deep within me, but I can’t. There are times

when I go into panic attacks and it is because I am thinking about my death, and what my poor children would have to go through.

I have tried to tell myself that just because others died young doesn’t mean I am going to. In my family, the woman who was the oldest when she died was 102,

but that was back in the late 1700’s, since then no woman has lived past 65.

Heart problems and cancer run in my family. My oldest son has congenital heart disease, my mom dies of a heart attack, my grandfather the same. I found out that

I have a sinus arrhythmia, and this is another reason I worry.

I know if I change some of my life habits, that I can increase the length of my life,..but changes are hard to make.

What is your biggest fear? And why?

Take this challenge and give your readers and followers a chance to get to know the real you.

 

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