Before you read this please realize that these are my thoughts and opinions and in no way hinder my feelings towards others no matter what their beliefs may be.
Christmas this year brought back feelings of holidays seasons lost to the past. Instead of the usual sadness I feel upon the arrival of Christmas I was filled with love, happiness, compassion and most of all hope. As I sat around the tree with my family and we handed out gifts and took turns Oohing and Aahing each others new toys, clothes and so forth..I was actually watching the smiles..something that as a child was very rare.
I remember most Christmases coming and going with a feeling of dread upon its arrival, knowing that even though the holiday is for giving,..not receiving,..that I was going to look around me and plaster on a fake smile and act as though what I was receiving actually made me happy. I distinctly remember the Christmas I was 13,..I had wrapped ALL of the gifts, my own along with my siblings (this was a punishment for being five minutes late coming home after school) and although I was secretly hoping that my parents had hidden my real gifts away…I knew that the awful feeling in the pit of my stomach was right. I had wrapped all of the gifts for my baby brother and three sisters,..and also for myself. So I obviously knew that one was getting a T.V. for her room, another the boom box that I had wanted for many years and that I was getting a pair of pants, a t-shirt, one pair of ‘scrunchie’ socks and a pack of eye shadow. Now I knew not to complain and if you knew my upbringing you would known better too. The feeling of emptiness and hurt and a strong sense that I didn’t belong only got worse as the day progressed as I heard the music emanating from one room and the laughter from a movie being played in another room while I sat alone, feeling sorry for myself (I hate to admit) because I had nothing new to play with. The saddest part is that I remember that I had only asked for a book that year from my favorite writer Judy Blume,..and instead I got clothing,..and ugly clothing at that.
Now most people will say that I should be grateful I got anything at all,..and believe me even my parents used that line on me a time or two because many many other people in other countries and even our own country were going without gifts and even worse they were going without food,..without that feeling of togetherness that comes from preparing a meal and sitting down surrounded by those you love. As a child I couldn’t wait for Christmas to be over, I couldn’t wait for the newness of the gifts to wear off and my jealousy of my siblings to go away.
Now, today, at 35 years old I realize that all of my feelings were normal for a child in my position because as I was preparing the gifts for my own children and hoping they would be happy with them I remember counting the presents to make sure they had equal amounts and that they all had at least one gift that they really wanted (within a reasonable monetary amount of course because I am far from rich,..or even middle class) so that MY children would NEVER feel the pain I felt.
I also realize it if wasn’t for my newfound friends, for my family (blood does NOT always constitute family) and for my new sense of confidence from this job that I now have online, I wouldn’t have been able to see the smiles on my children’s faces this year.
Christmas every year is stressful for every family no matter what their financial status may be but the difference now,..for me anyway is that I can see that line between love, giving, happiness and hope and a line that so many others cross when they have the money to provide for their families but choose instead to work or hold back because so many people have become selfish with their money and this selfishness even goes to the ridiculous point of not giving to those that they care for. I completely believe that too many people commend their selfish actions and behavior’s because its their money and they feel that they made that money so why blow it. I believe after today,..that as long as we have what we need what’s the point of holding onto it. Like someone I know and love once said “You cant take it where you go when you die!”
An abundance of love and thanks go to Grammie Lisa and Grandpa Charlie; without them this year and every year things might not always look so good. (This is meant in a physical sense and a psychological sense) We love you guys
((PS: For those looking for another income, that are open-minded, dedicated and driven I have two teams I am placing people on and both teams potential earnings are dependent upon your drive for success, your attitude and your over all motivation. They are ‘work at home’ jobs and done from the computer, they are not scams and have both already made me money.))